It's been a while...

So, I know it's been a while since I posted. Regrettable, but unavoidable.
Since my last post, I"ve experienced, highs, lows, and a broken foot. Grrr.

Ah well. I'm entranced with another person's blog lately. Not sure how old it is, but dang, it suits my wicked self down to the ground - and gets me extremely revved up. It's called Wicked Wife's Dirty Diary for those of you interested. But do beware, her posts are extremely fetish based and XXX rated. I love them.

I had a casual sub recently. He was from overseas, and stunning. Not too kinky when we started - shall we say, he was sweet and innocent til I came along? *grin*
He was pleasantly surprised that I'd do a lot that he wanted to try - and very nervous about some of it too. But, we played gently for quite a while to work him up to it, and let's just say, it turned into a very happy ending for him and his new friend the strap on.
What a delightful change from the demanding, whinging, whining sub that one finds a lot nowadays. He was nervous, polite, and very undemanding. Very sweet overall, and quite cute.

I find myself wanting to be extremely submissive. For only the right person you understand, I am quite picky. I keep imagining all sorts of things - being tied up and sensually tortured, being gang banged, being forceably impregnanted, risky sex. Wow, the dirty thoughts going through my mind. I just think, and I can view them in my head, and I get so wet, I have to make myself come. Kinda scary for one that is quite dominant.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll start elaborating in my next few posts ;)

Liars deserve to rot in hell.

So, I hate being called a liar. And right now, what's happening to me, I'm so frustrated and angry I could scream.
I tripped over at work. Didn't fall, didn't hurt myself, other than jar my ankle - ie; overstretched it. I massaged it, rubbed it, moved it around, wiggled it, until I was comfortable again. Didn't think anything of it. Turned out, I screwed up by not making a phone call to another state because it happened while I was at work. Okay, fine, whatever.
But now, they're calling me a liar. Reviewing camera footage. Emailing different people within different companies about how my honesty is in question. So, knowing all this is happening, I started going through emails. Anything with my name on it, I brought up. Turns out, the one who's lying is just above me on the chain. I found quite a few lies.
So, apparently I'm being interviewed on Monday. Funny that, no one has contacted me or told me about this personally, I found out through the grapevine.
I'm coming out with everything. I don't care anymore. I've been vilified, with-hunted and double-crossed. I don't take shit lying down.
Here come the guns.

God I love time off. I can sit here thinking about holidays forever. Sadly, won't be able to take one for another 6-7 months. Sad. Where shall I go? So many options. I'm tossing up between England, Queensland, and the US. N.C to be precise, and then travel from there. Depends how many weeks I get. I'd love to hit up a few of the theme parks. Yes, I'm sitting here at work torturing myself with thoughts of holidays. Gah!

I love Ebay. Due to the job I do and my interests, I find myself looking for things that you just wouldn't find in normal shops. I love feeling and looking sexy and in control. And, because I'm a bigger girl, over here, those things get expensive. REALLY expensive. So, I started hitting up Ebay, just hoping, but seriously doubting, there'd be anything for me. And you know what? On the Australian one, I was dead right. Very little. On the US one? Wow, it was like I'd hit heaven. And the prices? A quarter, including postage, of what I'd pay here. You see, I'm a small 18-20. I'm a 16-18 top, with large boobs, but an 18-20 bottom - huge hips. Huge hips, chunky thighs, huge boobs...tiny waist. Weird assed body shape. And clothing it gets expensive. But I've finally found shops that cater for me, cheaply. Lingerie - which is ridiculously priced here, I can pick up starting around $6 US brand new and still in packaging. I'd pay from $40 and up for the same items here. Outfits, the kink factor through the roof, and still amazingly cheap.
Whips, crops, canes, paddles. All looking at around $100 or more for each one here - that's the cheap stuff. From there? Not even a quarter of the price for the cheap stuff. For the GREAT quality stuff? You're looking at the same price as I'd pay for the CHEAP shit.
I'm in heaven. Shoes, clothes, toys - and all will fit ME. Good lord, if I could afford all the stuff I want on there now, I'd be the best dressed chick in the world - and feel ultimately sexy in it.

Stress

Blech, today is a bad day. My morbidness is at a high. Work is getting me down so much that I'm stressing out to the point of getting nauseous and yucky before coming here. Once here, I'm struggling to complete mundane tasks. I've only been on this site since January, so it's taken me just under 6 months to get this stressed out? I really don't think I should stay here.

So, I have PCOS. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
For some reason, my case seems to be warped compared to others. Yes, I have multiple cysts that form and disappear on both ovaries. But, I also have ones that never disappear, grow, and eventually develop into tumours. These get to be quite painful. I've had one grow to be the size of a football. No, not the round one.
So far, I've had 8 operations to remove these, and I'm looking at more, because they can't find a way to control them. For most women with this disease, they put them on the Pill, and it works quite well. For me, the extra hormones just make them grow faster.
I'm overweight, and struggle immensely to lose it. I eat right, and eat 6 meals a day. I exercise. But nothing I do is good enough. It drives me up the wall.
I have another at the moment, and it's large enough that it's pressing on my hip and causing me pain when I walk. The doctors are telling me this time they want to remove my ovary. I've refused this so far because I want children. Yes, I know it's rare, very rare, for a female Dom to want to have kids. But I do. Always have. I want to be a better mother than my own was to me.
For me to have children, it now comes down to IVF. I have an infitisemally small chance of falling pregnant naturally. And IVF is expensive. For me, I don't have private health insurance. So, it'd cost around $5000 and upwards per try. And they say it takes around three tries, if not more. Where in hell is someone working for minimum wage supposed to come up with that? The government gives handouts to 16 year olds that fall pregnant without trying, but they can't give working families that desperately want children any help? Grrr, maybe one day I'll get there.

Well then...

So, I've been thinking about doing a blog for a while, but never gotten around to it. I highly doubt this will happen as often as I'd like, but eh, what happens, happens. My mind is very random. I can hit upon one subject, and not be brought back to it to much later.

I'm a writer, when I bother. I'm definitely a reader. I love to read. If you can intrigue me on the cover, I'll most likely read it.

Yes, like a lot of others, I'm fascinated by the supernatural. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves, succubus... They all tickle my fancy.

I love to dress...differently. Every day of the week. Some days I'l be simply vanilla, other days goth, other days fetishy. I absolutely LOVE corsetry. I'd buy one every damned day if I could. In every colour, pattern, material...Yum. Because I'm in Sydney, I obviously buy from here. Gallery Serpentine rocks my world. Divadivine777 on Ebay does the same. They have absolutely stunning corsets, and are beautifully made.

I'm into toys. No, not the kind you'd hand to anyone in the age bracket of 0-17. The adult kind. I love whips, paddles, chains, crops, canes, cuffs, rope... It all intrigues me. And yes, I love to use it on people. Willing people, that is.

Well, saying that always leads people into another question first, so I'll answer it now to save you the trouble. Yes, my family life sucked. I had an alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive stepfather, and my mother was the same, except she didn't drink. He'd abuse her and us kids, she'd get frustrated and take it out on us. I was the eldest, I took it until I couldn't anymore, and snapped when I was 16. Called the cops, got kicked out of home because he got arrested... What a weird and convoluted life.

Now though, I get to be the bitch. And I love it. I like being in charge, I like being in control of me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.